713-955-4567 martin@foundfirst.com

What You Say: She’s maybe just a few pounds overweight…

Truth: Your pet is morbidly obese – get it on a diet immediately and stop feeling bad because ‘Miss Kibbles is always starving’…

What They Say: She is NOT Fat! – I only feed her the finest cooked chicken and lamb cutlets with a side of Atlantic herring dressed with Antarctic Krill Oil and a side of whipping cream for something to drink because she simply doesn’t like regular milk at all…

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What You Say: You might want to cut down his food just a little bit…

Truth: I’m ordering you to stop feeding him at once, a diet is in order for his health – at this rate he wont be able to walk in a year (maybe a month)…

What They Say: He is NOT Fat! – I only feed him 6 times a day…I can’t help it when he looks at me with those big puppy dog eyes… I feel so bad for him…poor boy is starving…

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What You Say: A Muzzle? We only use it to be ultra careful and stop him from hurting himself…

Truth: Bruno is a 104lb savage and the owner has a leash made of silk – He was glaring at you as soon as you came into the room, hasn’t stopped that low guttural growl (but happily ate a treat) – you’d rather not be his breakfast…and he looks mighty hungry…

What They Say: He doesn’t bite… Well he hasn’t bitten anyone yet – today… He loved our old Vet…

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What You Say: No he doesn’t smell… It’s probably just dirt from all this rain we’ve been having…

Truth: It’s not dirt – he’s been rolling in his own poop and you’re pretty sure his kennel is the carcass of a rotting rhino…

What They Say: I just can’t seem to keep him clean… But I soooo love snuggles in the bed with him and honestly I’m used to the wet dog smell…

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What You Say: I think I might have nicked his nail quick… oh that happens sometimes, but the bleeding will stop really quickly…

Truth: Dammit – this wriggly little monkey made me slip and I’ve nicked the quick… Oh geez it would ‘have’ to be this one too… the owner is going to freak…

What They Say: OMG!!!! Is she gonna die??? Look at all the blood… Will we need emergency surgery and a blood transfusion????

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What You Say: Looks like she has a few mattes and tangles… Oh our groomer can probably brush them right out…

Truth: Number #10 blade and a full shave is the only thing that could fix this nightmare mess…

What They Say: I brush her everyday… I have no idea why she got tangles… must have just happened…

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What You Say: Dirty ears – no problem – I’ll clean those right up for you…

Truth: You may find Jimmy Hoffa in there – and you’re certainly going to get bitten…maybe more than once…hold on tight and ‘try’ not to drop Miss Princess Wiggles as she sinks those razor sharp teeth and claws into you…

What They Say: Really? They have only been like this for a few days…What causes that? Is this something I should be doing regularly?

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What You Say: Oh don’t worry my tech will pick that right up – accidents happens all the time…

Truth: Accidents happen, but Titan actually pooped right on your loafers as you were discussing his neutering with the owner, right before he hiked his leg and peed on your new khakis… yes he is VERY intelligent… (Maybe ought to muzzle him before surgery – just in case!!)

What They Say: He’s NEVER done anything like that before – this is the first accident he has ever had – he’s clean as a whistle at my house…

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What You Say: Release his anal glands? Be happy to do that for you…

Truth: I really hope I don’t get any on my sleeve… I forgot to bring a spare shirt and pizza at lunch is a no-no if I mess up here… Please DO NOT ask me any questions right now – I must have the concentration of a Peregrine Falcon…

What They Say: Is he enjoying that? (Sorry I couldn’t resist )… Have you done this kind of procedure before?

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What You Say: Oh you forgot your credit card? No problem we trust you…

Truth: You actually hate working for free, and know they will probably change vets to avoid paying you the $144 owed – they certainly didn’t forget their cell phone (We know that for sure because they’ve been chatting to ‘Deb’ right the way through the consult – and by the way, Deb’s pregnant…again…and it’s another boy!!)

What They Say: I swear I picked it up…Oh I hope I haven’t lost it somewhere…let me check the waiting room…I’ll pop right back over here today and settle this bill…

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